Redefining Control: Effort, Attitude, Response

In the conversations that overflow cafes, offices, classrooms, and living rooms, we are accustomed to hearing two fairly distinct impressions of life. One individual is smiling and commenting, "Life is good." The other person is frowning and grumbling, "My life is awful." Though such phrases appear to be based on very different circumstances in life, they don't need to be based in objective reality at all. They most commonly result from something greater and more encompassing: personal attitude.


The truth is, the majority of people have no idea that they're not just existing through life, they're also existing through the story of their life. The difference between a person who sees life as being good and someone who sees life as being horrible is less about what happens to them, but more about the way that they choose to react to and account for what happens. 



The Power of Perspective


The person who says, "Life is good," is not trouble-free. They are not sailing on a waveless sea. They do have troubles, setbacks, losses, and doubts too. The only difference being, they have made the conscious decision to live their life, not let their life be lived. They wake up every morning and take charge of their thinking, their feelings, and their actions. They take responsibility for the manner in which they show up in the world, regardless of how the world shows up to them.


The person who says, "My life is miserable," is most probably inadvertently surrendering power. He or she is permitting the situation to control mood. He or she is permitting other people's behavior to control the emotional weather. They are well on their way to being a passenger in life, disconnected, reactive, and irrelevant.


When you allow life "to treat you," you have no say. You're driftwood on a vast ocean, sailing wherever the waves wish to carry you, not a choice you made. But when you decide to "treat your life," you're in charge. You're at the helm. You're steering.


Middle Age & Young Adulthood


So how do we embody this truth when “life gets messy”, when “dreams get delayed” and when “the way ahead is anything but clear”? 


Let's start with the “middle-aged man”, in his 40s or 50s, perhaps. He has worked almost half his life now, may begin to feel that he has not been able to achieve what he thought or had planned in his life. Responsibility begins to weigh down on him, aging parents; less physical strength , children growing up fast. He begins to ask himself time and again, “ so this is it “? It seems to him at times that time is slipping away from his hands.


And consider the “young adult”, at the edge of life's grand uncertainty. They are caught up with making a career, develop relationships, pursuing dreams in this fast paced world.


In each of these stages, life is uncertain .Things don't work out as we want. Others fail us. Our health requires us to make changes. Money tightens thin. The future is unclear.


So, how do you “treat your life” and not let it treat you, when you're stuck in a fog?



1. Redefine What Control Means


You're not controlling results. You control effort, attitude, and response. The middle-aged gentleman cannot rewind the past, but he may choose to start a new story from here. The young adult does not need to know their destination; he can take one step, with mindfulness, in one direction.


2. Implement daily ownership


Make small, thoughtful decisions that respect your enduring peace. Wake up a couple of minutes earlier. Journal your thoughts. Spend fewer minutes with toxic people. Yes, to new experiences. Be gentle with yourself regarding yesterday.


3. Remain Grounded in the Present


Anxiety is too often manufactured by worry about a tomorrow we can't even see. Tomorrow is unknown but today is a day we can give ourselves a break with. Appreciate your present and those who are around you. Have an optimistic approach that doesn’t mean to wish for a simpler life , but developing an attitude that accepts things in life with a grateful heart.


Lead Your Life At Any Age


Optimism is not a  refusal of life's hurts. It's the active assumption that even in difficulty, there can be value extracted. For the middle-aged male, it is finding new value in mentoring, creative pursuits, or spiritual renewal. For the young adult, it is assuming that uncertainty is a process of maturing, that you don't have to have all the answers yet to be on the way.


It's discipline over distraction, living by your values, letting go of things that drain you and investing in things that renew you. It's not allowing failure to define you but instead, motivate you.And above all, it's the realization that your life is yours to command,life does not owe you the best script. You must stand up and grab the pen.


So when somebody next asks, "How is life treating you?" do not respond as though you are waiting for fate to save or reward you. Simply grin within and say:


I don’t follow the flow; I define the direction.


Because a real, happy, and successful life isn't handed to you, it's constructed by you.It's led and lived on purpose.

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