To Be Selfless in Love… or Selfish?

Love is one of the most beautiful human expression but it brings with it feelings like happiness, confusion, longing etc. One of the hardest questions we face in relationships is this:


Should love be selfless or selfish ? 


We believe that real love is about giving without expectation and it’s noble to put someone else’s needs before our own. That unconditional love is the highest form of love. And when it's genuine, it sound like this : 


“I love you, simply for who you are”


That kind of love is pure. But I feel here comes the hidden complication : when love is given endlessly without limits or setting up boundaries , it often becomes invisible. In reality when you contribute unconditionally without limits into something , that love gets out of sight.Others start taking it for granted. Not because they are not good enough , but because they've never seen you ask for anything. They see you not as a person who chooses to give, you're a person assumed to give. Unfortunately, somehow, that kind of love is often not reciprocated with gratitude, but with ignorance and eventually distance.


Self-erasure.


In a relationship scenario described above , you begin to mellow down your own desires. You want to avoid conflict so you choose to "go along with the flow," assuming that flexibility in your attitude is breathing life into your relation however this very flow is turning you into someone who even you won’t be able to recognize later. 


Why We Chase What’s Unavailable


It’s interesting to note that people value what they have to work for. This human trait doesn’t make anyone shallow but then that’s just how we are .We chase the uncertain, romanticize the unavailable. During this when someone offers us love freely, openly, without conditions, we don’t value it. The tragedy is: we long for the kind of love that stays, but we run towards the love that leaves.


Why this happens ? Because selfless love gets mistaken for weakness. It’s sad but it’s true. 


Why Don’t People See What They Have?


The answer isn’t always simple.Sometimes, they’re not ready.Sometimes, they are not sure,they don’t know how to take care of the fragile heart , maybe emotional insecurities or maybe they are just unaware of what they possess until it’s lost. They loose the sight of the love and emotions which surround them. 

Should you remind them that you are missing out in the picture ? What stops us , maybe sometimes we fear to confront them and at times pride gets in the way.

We think:

“If I tell them I care, I lose my power .”


But the truth is, to love without knowing if it will be returned, that takes a lot of courage but you have to step up.Tell them how you feel.Once loud and clear. Then observe their reaction. 


Your love should never be the only thing keeping the relationship alive.


At some point, you have to choose yourself and make a smart decision for yourself like if you don’t want to remain in a state of confusion anymore or when you feel you should take a respectful exit before you get hurt . It doesn’t mean that you love any less now or your beloved was any less worthy , it’s about respecting your emotions and other person’s choice. 

Express yourself once completely but don’t force someone to be with you. It will lead to nowhere because love is not a one way road. 


This is not ego. This is survival.This is choosing reality over denial.


Just as with any passion,art, purpose, or your dreams; love takes presence, energy, and bravery.You can never achieve your dreams without working for them. So why shy away in this case ? 


Love Isn’t for the Faint-Hearted


Love isn’t for the faint-hearted.if it matters to you, then it demands something deeper. It demands that you respect your feelings, and that you honor the emotions of the other person too. It’s not something you just stumble into. It’s something you build. And building requires effort. Intention. But keep in mind that your emotions should not become a burden; they are in fact like a bridge that needs to be walked from both sides. Make an effort in your relationship if it scares you and odds seem to be high. 


Because years from now, you don’t want to look back wondering what might’ve been if you had just spoken out your truth. Sometimes, the regret of silence is louder than any heartbreak.


Having stated that , if you’ve tried, if you’ve opened up and bared your soul, and still, the connection doesn’t meet you where you are, then… let go. With grace. With strength. it’s self-respect and you owe yourself this care.You see, love isn’t about extremes.Too much, and you lose yourself. Too little, and you lose each other. Real, lasting love lives somewhere in between where effort meets ease, where passion meets peace. 


So be clear about what you need. Be brave enough to say it out loud. Don’t stay silent to avoid the storm. Love deserves honesty. And so do you. It’s about choosing to stay together… or sometimes, apart—with your dignity intact. 

Comments

Dr. Ethics said…
It’s a beautifully written piece of some real truth!
June 26, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Emergency Rooms or Obstacle Maze? Why Pakistan's Healthcare System is Failing Its People and How We Can Fix It

In the most terrifying moments of your life when your child is losing and regaining consciousness in your arms, or your elderly parent cannot catch their breath, you rush to the nearest hospital. You don't look for luxury or reputation, all you need is help. But when you get to the emergency room, you're not met by a doctor or a stretcher. You're met with a chilly question: " Do you have money for admission ?" Until that fee is paid, no treatment is administered. No drip is given. No doctor appears. At that very moment,  the patient is not seen as a human being fighting to live, they are seen as a pending transaction.  This is not a tragedy of a single person. It is the everyday reality of millions of working-class Pakistanis, the 80% who lack any insurance, financial safety net, and very frequently any free cash in their pockets. Most of the middle class Pakistanis live paycheck to paycheck. There is a little opportunity for them to save for emergencies. In a sit...
Read more

Awakening

Imagine this: You, the essence of you, your spirit, your consciousness, your soul hovering silently beside your physical self. You are invisible to the world, but profoundly present to the reality of your own life. You’re no longer the one caught in the hurry of the day, the constant ticking of the clock, the demands, the roles. You are simply observing. Witnessing…… ……..You see yourself wake up. A regular day has started. Just the familiar feeling of waking up, opening of eyelids , the first action of reaching for the phone, the slow shuffle to the bathroom. There is nothing grand in these early minutes everyday but there is something sacred in the simplicity. The fact that you rose again, in the comfort of your house. You observe a silent agreement with life:  I’ll try again today. You watch as the version of you you’ve built over the years takes form , through the clothes you put on, the face you present to the world, the roles you step into. Parent. Partner. Colleague. Friend. ...
Read more

When the Economy Hurts, People Hurt: It's Time for a Fairer System

When we refer to "a failing economy," everybody imagines declining GDP charts, shrinking exports, or mind-boggling economic terms on TV. But if you stroll through a small village, go to a shop in a de industrialized city, or speak to the typical young graduate with no employment, you will see what a failed economy actually looks like. It's not numbers.It's people.Its lives placed in limbo. Dreams quietly buried. Talents wasted. Dignity lost.And in that silence, in that daily struggle, something starts to crack inside people.Hope starts to loosen its grip and trust starts to disappear. Let’s look at the situation at hand in scope of a scenario I described above :  Tight Taxes in a Fragile Economy: Squeezing the Wrong People In most developing countries, including those like Pakistan, the most vulnerable are paying the price for economic mismanagement. Electricity becomes more expensive. Petrol is out of reach. Daily consumables double their prices.And then there's ...
Read more